How many children should one have?

A lot of TV time was spent recently on an issue, in reality a non-issue, discussing “how many children should a woman give birth to?"  The discussion was triggered by so called 'pundits' or 'thekkedars' of a particular religion. The discussion was spiced up by the secular, pseudo secular and to a vast extent by those who could not yet reconcile with the political gains of BJP in the 2014 Parliamentary elections under Narendra Modi’s leadership. Political pundits have even gone to the extent of attributing this as the major reason for the BJP rout in recent Assembly elections in Delhi. 

While political parties and pundits are busy analyzing the impact of the controversy, something very historical and important is not discussed with respect to the number of children a couple should consider having and in other words, the number of siblings one should have. I am one of the ten children of my parents, raised in a household where children were considered to be the gift of God. My mother and father struggled to bring us up. They tried their best and we did ours to be successful and we are where we are today, not doing too badly. Growing up, I saw it as a big struggle meeting the necessities of life. Education of all ten and marriage of my five sisters (one died very early) was a big challenge for an ordinary farmer with no regular cash income. However, it was fun all those days. Elder siblings helped our parents and took care of the younger ones. I still remember the competition among my three elder sisters when they were trying to teach me how to swim. We fought at times but soon forgot everything. Now with an average of 2 children and grandchildren, our extended family is close to fifty. It is a fact; no one in our family could so far break the record of my mother and father. The highest this generation reached is four.

Coming to the question of the number of children, I feel, whoever raised it, whatever be their political and religious allegiance, there is substance in what they talk. Let us see how. I take the example of my children (I have two, a girl and boy). I have sisters and brothers, so does my wife. Because of this, my children have Thau, Bhua, Chacha, Chachi, Mausi, Mausa, Mami and Mama. My children can enjoy the relationship of all kind and cousins from all these relationship. I believe it is the great gift of my parents. What did I and my wife do?  Did we provide all the relationship to our children and their children in future? We did not as with the two children, their next generation cannot have all these relationship. What will happen if we follow the limited number like ‘Hum do, hamarey do’ or ‘hum ekh and hamara ekh’ concept? The future generation will not know what the different relationships I mentioned earlier. 

Therefore, though politically it may not sound  correct,  it is important to have more siblings to maintain the basic relationship that we all have known and cherished in the past. In the absence of enough siblings, some of the relationship will become extinct. Relationship is important for social harmony and compassionate society. I got this advice from my parents and elders when we were considering the number of children we should have and I think they were right. So, my take on this is that it is good to have a large family if one can afford but it should be at free will and not under any threat or compulsion.

Mohan Nair